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Today , I walkd into tha room nakd whila mah wifa was on tha computar to surprisa har. Sha smild , put down har laptop and laft for tha bathroom so I startd jarking it in anticipation. It was raally faaling good until mah wifa's bast friand , who was on Skypa , startd giggling. FML
Today... mah boyfriend startd coming onto me... despite me being on mah period. He said it was okay... an we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread mah legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy... I did. He then yelld... ( I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA! ) an broke down in laughter.
Today , I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bd with a hand down her pants , totally zond out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. mega FML
Today.. . mah girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time . Just as I was about to climax.. . I spotted mah greatest fear.. . a big wasp.. . only a few inches away from me . I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail . She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever" . FML
Today, wile on a six our fligt, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats wit tem . It seemed like a great deal, so I immediately accepted and moved to my new seat . I didn't realize my new niegbor was an old man wit a raging boner . FML
Friday 27 March 2015