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kushalkaria's favorite FMLs
by still together / 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML
by Grandmas lost it / 08/28/2013 at 12:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by DefinitelyNotDogshit / 08/28/2013 at 12:06am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML
by nowork / 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm / United States (New York) / Work
by the other man / 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML
by sweetnan / 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 8:32pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML
by dhskkf / 08/27/2013 at 8:23pm / United States / Love
Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm / United States (New York) / Health
by crier / 08/27/2013 at 2:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
by anditburnsburnsburns / 08/27/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by outthelabyrynth / 08/27/2013 at 10:46am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Animals
Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML
by bexes / 08/27/2013 at 6:29am / United States (Texas) / Work
- Today, I went over to my crush's house for the first time. Everything was going great until his dog… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today I got a question from a guest at work. I work as a scenic tour pilot and our airplanes have a…