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Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6786) - you deserved it (2787)
On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19420) - you deserved it (4284) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm - work - by bibou2324 -
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7561) - you deserved it (22249)
On 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm - misc - by marymark - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14515) - you deserved it (1117)
On 04/10/2012 at 11:49pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14561) - you deserved it (7818)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:32pm - misc - by solyana vr1 - United States
Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10320) - you deserved it (13236)
On 03/08/2012 at 3:06am - work - by stuckonrepeat (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out a second story window is a very bad idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4156) - you deserved it (24601)
On 02/13/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by michael (man) - United States
Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML
I agree, your life sucks (4779) - you deserved it (25303)
On 02/11/2012 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18693) - you deserved it (4722)
On 02/09/2012 at 7:09pm - intimacy - by nosymptoms (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14392) - you deserved it (4040)
On 02/05/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16068) - you deserved it (14422)
On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22727) - you deserved it (3521)
On 02/02/2012 at 4:31am - intimacy - by DieTrying - United States (California)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23502) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21772) - you deserved it (2042)
On 01/28/2012 at 4:30am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20558) - you deserved it (6110)
On 01/20/2012 at 12:02am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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