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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38809) - you deserved it (10398)
On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend tickled me. In between laughs, I warned him that I was going to pee myself. He didn't believe me. After I actually did, he suggested we use a "safety word" from now on so that he will know when I'm being serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19646) - you deserved it (3262)
On 01/23/2011 at 9:47pm - misc - by embarrassed2 (woman) - United States
Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25846) - you deserved it (3577)
On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11106) - you deserved it (20163)
On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21514) - you deserved it (6480)
On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32658) - you deserved it (7419)
On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43031) - you deserved it (6025)
Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13036) - you deserved it (18178)
On 09/07/2010 at 1:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23153) - you deserved it (3399)
On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States
Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (6853)
On 09/05/2010 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24402) - you deserved it (4138)
On 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by Fmylife.25 - United States (Virginia)
Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (3482)
On 09/02/2010 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by anonymous.. (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26446) - you deserved it (6106)
On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33898) - you deserved it (13451)
On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38421) - you deserved it (10993)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Monday 17 June 2013
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