my names kristen. you should never take me seriously.
myspace.com/brokenshiftkey
get to know me :D
'Today, my friend called me JUST to tell me she saw a comment I made on FMyLife. She called me while I was taking a shower, but I decided to answer it anyway, without stepping out. Right after I hang up, my phone drops, gets wet and breaks. FMyLife broke my phone. FML'
true story RIP JUKE 5/15/09
Today, I had a bath in the bathroom we are currently renovating. There's a big hole in the middle of the floor. When I got out of the bath, I swung one leg across the gap to get a towel from the rack. I drew back my leg and looked down to see my brother's hot friend staring up at me in horror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30469) - you totally deserved it (11625)
On 06/19/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by ilikeirishducks (woman) - Italy
Today, I hooked up with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (88308) - you totally deserved it (12044)
On 06/12/2009 at 8:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58138) - you totally deserved it (11604)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6153) - you totally deserved it (33341)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then proceeds to respond, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52377) - you totally deserved it (8630)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34450) - you totally deserved it (3818)
On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7968) - you totally deserved it (111114)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67347) - you totally deserved it (24957)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you totally deserved it (23380)
On 04/09/2009 at 12:53am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35057) - you totally deserved it (5852)
On 02/28/2009 at 1:30am - work - by eggs (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55003) - you totally deserved it (5145)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by justanaccount (woman) - Spain (Madrid)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17944) - you totally deserved it (126714)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - misc - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidently texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiance, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19708) - you totally deserved it (26837)
On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I had SEXtra-Credit with my spanish teacher after my exams.... I got a C+ on the exam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8991) - you totally deserved it (44174)
On 01/31/2009 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by SEXYREXY - United States (Wisconsin)
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