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koole3611's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
koole3611's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by me / 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
by emasculated 10000% / 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
by seekerglow176 / 04/27/2013 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
by Job Seeking / 01/22/2013 at 6:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML
by Lucy / 07/21/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by holyshart / 06/05/2012 at 5:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Jayde / 02/04/2012 at 12:12am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 1:15am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy
Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML
by SeeMeInTheDark / 12/07/2009 at 3:54am / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML
by shutupandsmile18 / 04/17/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- Today, while on vacation, I received a text from my friend whom I asked to water my plants saying,… Today, I was excited to finally leave for Minnesota to visit the college of my dreams. I drove two… Today, I was disowned by my mother because I asked her to tone it down on Facebook. She flipped out…