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knocking

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knocking

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 September 1987 (27 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1723
  • Number of comments : 114
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About knocking : & monica
& female
& twenty three
& college student
& happily taken
& laid back
& open minded
& empathetic
& shy
& honest
& sarcastic
& tattoos
& animal lover
& music lover - classic rock
& fml app user

knocking's page activity

Visits<b>CaptainDouche</b> - the 07/03/2011 at 7:26pm<b>Bobissmall</b> - the 07/02/2011 at 6:35am<b>CaptainPickles72</b> - the 06/23/2011 at 9:28am

knocking's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

knocking's favorite FMLs

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10898) - you deserved it (32252)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML

#4906491
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13838) - you deserved it (47854)

On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

#4685696
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54860) - you deserved it (41459)

On 08/20/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by younggrammy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

#4680199
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37342) - you deserved it (17577)

On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

#4636801
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56926) - you deserved it (11365)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while having sex I realized two things. First, I can't remember the last time my boyfriend gave me an orgasm, and secondly I think the curtains slightly clash with the duvet cover. I was more annoyed with the second one. FML

#4527001
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44766) - you deserved it (9679)

On 08/14/2009 at 2:33pm - intimacy - by vicgal - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML

#4524259
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47530) - you deserved it (7180)

On 08/14/2009 at 11:53am - intimacy - by seeminglyunsexy (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51213) - you deserved it (11206)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

#4165999
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41911) - you deserved it (26543)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by yeahthatsme (woman) - United States (Kentucky) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21841) - you deserved it (53867)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

#3380486
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46750) - you deserved it (18090)

On 06/30/2009 at 10:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11646) - you deserved it (111048)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

#2158517
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61249) - you deserved it (11169)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States



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