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kissaoneal13's favorite FMLs
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by chloecamp / 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by LadyDeadpool88 / 02/04/2014 at 9:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML
by peepeepainter / 01/06/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by LeaveHimAlone / 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML
by ConfusedDad / 12/29/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Kids
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML
by NNTA / 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Intimacy
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
by bleach bleach bleach / 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm / Egypt / Kids
Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML
by ANONYMOUS -_- / 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
by anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…