About kimmi5 : I enjoy FML and read fmls during my down time. I usually don't comment ever. I like to keep to myself mostly. If I look a little young, the picture is not of me but of my little sister. Thanks for taking the time to read about me.
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kimmi5's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2015 at 11:58am / Denmark (Midtjylland) / Money
by gothicvamp93 / 01/04/2015 at 1:46am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML
by Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia / 01/03/2015 at 8:30pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML
by JJ_V3N0M / 01/03/2015 at 5:48am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML
by mastel07 / 12/10/2014 at 7:59am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2014 at 4:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Amore / 12/09/2014 at 2:15pm / Kids
by fucking moron / 12/09/2014 at 4:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by mn167109 / 12/09/2014 at 12:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML
by #goodbyelife / 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
by lovethateuropeanblood / 12/08/2014 at 9:12am / Japan (Osaka) / Love
by BedazzledAlpaca / 12/08/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML
by Haitwun / 12/07/2014 at 9:18pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML
by pubemilkshake / 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Utah) / Love
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to…