killmeslowly5

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killmeslowly5

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 27 July 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 91
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About killmeslowly5 : Hurting right now.

killmeslowly5's page activity

Visits<b>BuchiNeko</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 10:35am<b>WolfNinjaShark</b> - the 02/25/2014 at 10:42pm<b>breakinlegs</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 3:25pm<b>NinjaDitto623</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 1:14pm<b>djgoreo</b> - the 06/11/2013 at 12:49am<b>HolyCrepe</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 10:36am<b>Albi90</b> - the 06/10/2013 at 6:21am<b>twilightriforce</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 5:03pm<b>pruebadecolor</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 4:38pm<b>ButterflyLadyBug</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 4:22pm<b>forlifebro</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 1:15pm<b>rosenkrieger223</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 5:36pm<b>DeidaraAkatsuki</b> - the 06/08/2013 at 1:20pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 7:04pm<b>ApexReaper</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 11:02am<b>Ionosphere</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 10:48am<b>SneakyCaveman</b> - the 09/16/2012 at 10:49pm<b>SApprentice</b> - the 09/16/2012 at 10:49pm

killmeslowly5's FML badges

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killmeslowly5's favorite FMLs

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

by shampoomice / 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML

by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

by pissed off / 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm / Animals

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

by NaniNarcotic / 08/16/2011 at 6:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy