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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27893) - you deserved it (7644)
On 12/02/2010 at 10:54am - intimacy - by sissydlk (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49159) - you deserved it (9961)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18742) - you deserved it (4419)
On 10/27/2010 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27726) - you deserved it (2028)
On 10/19/2010 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7783) - you deserved it (21663)
On 10/19/2010 at 11:24am - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17957) - you deserved it (3985)
On 10/07/2010 at 3:28pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13831) - you deserved it (29036)
On 10/03/2010 at 1:08am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13470) - you deserved it (27957)
On 09/29/2010 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Claire (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I nervously introduced my mother to my new boyfriend. I had to sit and watch her flirt with him for an hour. When I took her in the other room and confronted her about it, she said, "Don't you dare ruin this for me!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (33041) - you deserved it (2115)
On 09/28/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)
Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36316) - you deserved it (7752)
On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27126) - you deserved it (4471)
On 09/21/2010 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42482) - you deserved it (2623)
On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (6592)
On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46769) - you deserved it (127829)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199385) - you deserved it (58854)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Monday 20 May 2013
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