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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8923) - you deserved it (36813)
On 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm - animals - by bobo - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24444) - you deserved it (6930)
On 04/21/2011 at 2:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22520) - you deserved it (9089)
On 04/21/2011 at 5:30am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25055) - you deserved it (9188)
On 04/21/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by alopez1994 -
Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23308) - you deserved it (8855)
On 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States
Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27669) - you deserved it (2440)
On 04/20/2011 at 10:15am - work - by rawr -
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (8819)
On 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62739) - you deserved it (4549)
On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29599) - you deserved it (41053)
On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18516) - you deserved it (49084)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Fcuked (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having I shot at him with the sniper gun I bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was ok. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10388) - you deserved it (35410)
On 03/22/2011 at 12:31pm - misc - by FailedSniper (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62481) - you deserved it (11821)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I called a wrong number. Calling back the right person, I began a long story about how I'd just called the wrong number. It was the wrong number lady again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9220) - you deserved it (25220)
On 03/22/2011 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20878) - you deserved it (5096)
On 03/17/2011 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, as I couldn't get the airplane seat buckle to buckle, I faced the fact that I've been in denial about how fat I have become. The people in my row faced it too as I began to sob uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14781) - you deserved it (24346)
On 03/08/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Monday 17 June 2013
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