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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44437) - you deserved it (2962)
On 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28870) - you deserved it (16266)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20774) - you deserved it (7501)
On 09/14/2010 at 3:27am - love - by tickyette (woman) - United States
Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8268) - you deserved it (36270)
On 02/02/2010 at 12:51am - misc - by wolfpacking - Sent from mobile version
Today, I got a ticket. The officer's daughter is my ex. He gave me a ticket for 31 in a 30 mph zone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28398) - you deserved it (3774)
On 02/02/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by anoynomous - Sent from mobile version
Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20423) - you deserved it (2331)
On 01/31/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16521) - you deserved it (3511)
On 01/29/2010 at 3:19pm - work - by ouch (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53916) - you deserved it (6264)
On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, one of my managers at work asked me to carrying our new Frappe machine to front counter for assembling. Being 5 months pregnant, I explained to her I am unable to safely lift more than 20-30lbs. I was then fired and told that I shouldn't use being pregnant as an excuse to not work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36913) - you deserved it (3201)
On 01/06/2010 at 6:06am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4332) - you deserved it (31966)
On 01/03/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31527) - you deserved it (3403)
On 12/28/2009 at 8:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20557) - you deserved it (5203)
On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8741) - you deserved it (27608)
On 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15694) - you deserved it (2273)
On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18598) - you deserved it (7363)
On 11/06/2009 at 6:37pm - health - by jellybean (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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