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kevint9911's favorite FMLs
Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 12:26am / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML
by fuck but no fuck / 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML
by kilamo80 / 07/27/2013 at 5:26am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML
by ........................... / 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love
by libraries are a girl's best friend / 07/19/2013 at 5:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my naked boyfriend walked up to me with my towel around his neck and with a hard-on, then declared he was "The Penis Man" and slapped me with his junk. I thought I was dating a man, not a man-child. FML
by peniswoman / 07/14/2013 at 1:03pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Intimacy
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
by fuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Maine) / Transportation
Today, my shoe fell apart a few minutes after I got to work. I called my boyfriend and asked him to bring me the "pretty black pair" in my closet. What did he bring? Black stilettos. I'm a waitress with an eight hour shift. FML
by readytoamputatemyfeet / 06/30/2013 at 7:00pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by bestiality, not even once / 06/14/2013 at 6:29pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 12:40pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…