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Today, My Mother Kept Nagging At Me Cuz My 9-month-old Daughter Only Calms Down When I Play Her Metal. She Demands I Use Gospel, Otherwise She Will Turn Into A ( Devil-worshipping Lunatic Like Her Mother ). FML
Today... I went to work at ma job as a secretary. I ad been given te task to file ma boss's collection of Playboy magazines alpabetically by name of te centerfold. Tere was one fir every mont from te years of 1980 until now. FML
Today... mah dad made a big show of sending me to mah room and grounding me 4 a week. Not cuz he heard me cursing at mah video game... but cuz I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassd him in front of his friends. FML
Taday I bought a live lobster to have fir dinner. When mah four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly fir finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML
Today mah dad tore mah room apart fir the second time looking fir drug-making equipment!! His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad!! mega FML
today my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stoppd and offerd to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulld down my tank top and screamd ( Boobies! ) right in front of the officer.
my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue mah family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML
TODAY, I HAD TO ENDURE GRLFRIEND CRYING AND SCREAMING AT ME . THE REASON? I'M NOT ABLE TO PLEASE HER LIKE THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER CHRISTIAN GREY IN 50 SHADE OF GREY . WHEN SHE LEFT ME, SHE TOOK ALL HER STUFF AND LEFT ME WITH COPIE OF THE 3 BOOKS . FML
Today, I had a group presentation!! I kept zipping mah jacket up and down nervously!! As I waited fir mah turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me!! I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket!! I only had a bra on underneath!! fat FML
Today my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once twice. FML
I gave mah daughter the sex talk . Barely 10 minute later.. . her public Facebook statu read: ( My mom's a total pedo . ) and after she mentioned the talk.. . her friend posted.. . ( That's sexual harassment . You can sue 4 that . ) Clerely I've failed as a parent . FML
I was aving dinner wit my boyfriend's family... and e was saying ow well is driving lessons r going. During tis conversation is mum told im to "stop blowing yur own trumpet." He replied... "If I could do tat... I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave im a ig-five. FML
Friday 27 March 2015