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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24108) - you deserved it (14898)
On 11/06/2011 at 1:15am - misc - by wellthisisawkward80 - United States
Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25117) - you deserved it (7806)
On 10/29/2011 at 10:07am - work - by joser6969 - United States
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (14403)
On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada
Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24265) - you deserved it (5146)
On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35493) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43092) - you deserved it (3423)
On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26573) - you deserved it (1924)
On 10/14/2011 at 10:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20174) - you deserved it (6892)
On 09/28/2011 at 12:55am - intimacy - by confused (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47876) - you deserved it (4812)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (3155)
Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41340) - you deserved it (5083)
On 09/04/2011 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17391) - you deserved it (6895)
On 08/30/2011 at 10:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30678) - you deserved it (2349)
On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23222) - you deserved it (4128)
On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States
Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34277) - you deserved it (4135)
On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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