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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7286) - you deserved it (38897)
On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27083) - you deserved it (4424)
On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out my girlfriend starts fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7249) - you deserved it (24020)
On 12/29/2011 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29418) - you deserved it (7191)
On 12/27/2011 at 2:11am - intimacy - by ikungfuyou (man) - United States
Today, is Christmas day. Normally, I'd spend it with family. However, my boss decided everyone has to work today, despite the fact that there's enough people who want to work to run the place. Apparently it's "fairer" if we all have to do it - except him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22524) - you deserved it (1371)
On 12/25/2011 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cornwall)
Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17812) - you deserved it (3368)
On 12/21/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Derpina - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7695) - you deserved it (49125)
On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22072) - you deserved it (7668)
On 12/04/2011 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28814) - you deserved it (4790)
On 12/02/2011 at 8:22am - kids - by jessi - United States
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32448) - you deserved it (7239)
On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17126) - you deserved it (1494)
On 11/25/2011 at 11:24am - misc - by tireedddddd - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (2679)
On 11/25/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37178) - you deserved it (2484)
On 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm - kids - by brokeandalone (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10842) - you deserved it (20952)
On 11/15/2011 at 10:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34358) - you deserved it (5453)
On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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