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kemando

Offline (the 05/12/2015 at 11:42pm) | Search for a member

kemando

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 November 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4692
  • Number of comments : 498
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 17 posted

About kemando : The name's Kealan; I'm pretty chill, I love LIGHTS the musician, she's a beautiful person with epic talent her new album "Siberia" has come out (pictured above) and it's awesome. :3 . I have deep connections with everyone in imaginationland. I HATE EMO's!!!! I am upbeat and try to have fun, and I love PIZZA! Videogames aren't a hobby they're a life style. I'm not nerdy or fat so those insults don't apply to me. I like hot blonde chicks with big boobs, but so do most guys. Jessica Nigri is especially hot, I met her! She's great.

Yes, I do have a confirmed FML. :D

Follow me on twitter!
www.twitter.com/Kealander

kemando's page activity

Visits<b>ea247</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 3:48pm<b>VeganDarkLight</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 3:46pm<b>accidentalsheep</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 11:15pm<b>kitkat7764</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 2:38am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 10:24am<b>Sammy_rawrr</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 6:11pm<b>Scrambled</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 10:37pm<b>seannyc</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 10:14pm<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 10:01am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 7:57pm<b>Wondermage</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 6:29am<b>FitFriday</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 4:05pm<b>paigexox0</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 2:18am<b>pks2014</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 8:59pm<b>aliceablaze</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 10:28am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 1:25pm<b>ODST_Panda</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 2:54am<b>freeport_aidan</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 7:31pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 4:24pm

kemando's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of kemando's badges

kemando's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28542) - you deserved it (2498)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

#21387543
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31939) - you deserved it (2502)

On 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by fuck right off (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

#21284324
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you deserved it (2977)

On 10/24/2014 at 9:47am - misc - by anonymous - Austria (Wien)

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

#21270617
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36273) - you deserved it (3001)

On 10/04/2014 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

#21270556
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33115) - you deserved it (3881)

On 10/04/2014 at 8:11am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

#21261760
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (304) - you deserved it (11249)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56020) - you deserved it (4159)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

#21209954
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40449) - you deserved it (7797)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

#21194507
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34863) - you deserved it (9803)

On 07/01/2014 at 12:12am - misc - by dillon (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend once again cancelled a date because he has too much homework. His professor is my dad, who's assigning astronomical amounts of homework to keep us from seeing each other. FML

#21180214
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57377) - you deserved it (4533)

On 06/19/2014 at 1:28am - love - by professorsdaughter - United States (Washington)

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

#21161933
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35081) - you deserved it (5143)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by jennythezebra (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46862) - you deserved it (4838)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML

#21156317
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47982) - you deserved it (4205)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:46pm - love - by jonchavez - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

#21127302
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37877) - you deserved it (27917)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by yes, yes it does :( (woman) - United States

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

#21126864
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44453) - you deserved it (5804)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

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