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kbtoys

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kbtoys
  • Town/Country : Bridgeton, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 25 April 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 14564
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About kbtoys : FML gives me warm, fuzzy feelings about how much better my life is than so many people out there. It's fucking awesome, I've got to say.

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kbtoys's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78094) - you deserved it (13670)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

#706614
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27350) - you deserved it (71787)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52068) - you deserved it (13675)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (145915) - you deserved it (12662)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

#153350
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54289) - you deserved it (4397)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

#152596
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20178) - you deserved it (59149)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73344) - you deserved it (17919)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

#133313
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26607) - you deserved it (38403)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114730) - you deserved it (20783)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78098) - you deserved it (19392)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78098) - you deserved it (19392)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

#121139
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64505) - you deserved it (16983)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60182) - you deserved it (6163)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

#87320
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44044) - you deserved it (3457)

On 02/20/2009 at 11:16am - love - by darn it. (woman) - United States (New York)



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