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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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kbtoys

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kbtoys
  • Town/Country : Bridgeton, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 25 April 1989 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 14068
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About kbtoys : FML gives me warm, fuzzy feelings about how much better my life is than so many people out there. It's fucking awesome, I've got to say.

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kbtoys's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (72970) - you deserved it (12568)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

#706614 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (24614) - you deserved it (58653)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (44472) - you deserved it (11153)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (105983) - you deserved it (8361)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

#153350 (54)

I agree, your life sucks (47516) - you deserved it (3694)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

#152596 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (16141) - you deserved it (47796)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

#141868 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (18150) - you deserved it (30559)

On 02/26/2009 at 9:13am - work - by Kasizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (65185) - you deserved it (14215)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiance, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

#133313 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (31045)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669 (323)

I agree, your life sucks (95912) - you deserved it (16562)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499 (268)

I agree, your life sucks (67604) - you deserved it (15913)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

#121139 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (59216) - you deserved it (14934)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while working the register, a well dressed man around 6'3 came in and placed an order. After writing it down, I asked why he was dressed so nicely. He responded, "I'm going to court for stalking pretty girls like you." Our name tags have full names. FML

#102148 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (57824) - you deserved it (3557)

On 02/22/2009 at 3:04am - work - by ineedtomove (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (52061) - you deserved it (5011)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a bar with a friend. A guy came up to me, took my drink and drank it. I laughed and jokingly said "now, you have to buy me a drink." He said "I would rather buy your friend a drink." FML

#87320 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (37809) - you deserved it (2717)

On 02/20/2009 at 11:16am - love - by darn it. (woman) - United States (New York)