Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

katdaiken

Search for a member

katdaiken
  • Town/Country : Ontario, Canada
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2119
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About katdaiken : I'm Canadian I love the Simpsons & what not, tattooed & happily married I work with behavioural needs & autistic students. Graduated high school & did a year of psychology in college. I love FML & I'm constantly on it :) have a good one

katdaiken's last visitors

ireply_wlyricsthe_rude_dudealexmac222thycleverestnamebarfcannonjmccarley1ThatsCrazyIshHVAkicker99JonnyBoy18AGB10

katdaiken's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of katdaiken's badges

katdaiken's favorite FMLs

Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML

#20900036
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34186) - you deserved it (8233)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:10am - kids - by ahuman - United States

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47189) - you deserved it (6164)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48162) - you deserved it (5860)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

#20895757
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36293) - you deserved it (4445)

On 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by scared shitless in ohio (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

#20895601
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35133) - you deserved it (2950)

On 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by nicetomeetyou2 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40730) - you deserved it (3636)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, I sent a student to the dean for trying to smoke pot in my class. His mother called to complain that I publicly humiliated her son. FML

#20894676
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37658) - you deserved it (2706)

On 09/24/2013 at 6:00pm - work - by I need a new job - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44847) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

#20894419
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44549) - you deserved it (3560)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Craigslist is Evil. - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43133) - you deserved it (8128)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

#20890943
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35965) - you deserved it (9552)

On 09/22/2013 at 12:26am - work - by not_fakingit - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

#20888741
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44651) - you deserved it (7924)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:23am - love - by hoolagirl4422 (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41491) - you deserved it (10879)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41491) - you deserved it (10879)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: