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kalixzo

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kalixzo

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 September 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3988
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About kalixzo : Interpol.
Paul Banks.
Daniel Kessler.
Sam Fogarino.
Carlos D.

Left 4 Dead.
Zombies.

kalixzo's page activity

Visits<b>hoeslikedicks</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:47am<b>Agnesia</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 8:28am<b>Timmster007</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 2:20am<b>brookeleonii</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 2:18pm<b>paintedwings12</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 10:12am<b>CyanKitty</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 11:53am<b>chudun</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:04am<b>gghhffh</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 2:19am<b>izzie321</b> - the 11/05/2013 at 6:27am<b>Sbx426</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 3:31pm<b>Hunter8787</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 3:41pm<b>drago94</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 9:38am<b>thekingpit</b> - the 06/06/2013 at 12:10pm<b>JillianBall</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 10:21pm<b>loriprieto</b> - the 05/24/2013 at 7:39pm<b>mangoboy1</b> - the 03/07/2013 at 7:30pm<b>Smartdumbblonde</b> - the 03/03/2013 at 9:12pm<b>zombiegold</b> - the 01/27/2012 at 3:28pm

kalixzo's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of kalixzo's badges

kalixzo's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

#20788707
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62293) - you deserved it (22187)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

#20788678
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45412) - you deserved it (4946)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm - love - by fuck family (woman) - Poland (Dolnoslaskie)

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

#20788265
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27932) - you deserved it (49825)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58790) - you deserved it (10842)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60600) - you deserved it (20242)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

#20577290
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57039) - you deserved it (5177)

On 04/06/2013 at 10:15am - intimacy - by ohgodwhy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51222) - you deserved it (5644)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

#20575675
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30126) - you deserved it (2942)

On 04/05/2013 at 1:28am - misc - by slightlyworried (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

#20574730
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37638) - you deserved it (6653)

On 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43742) - you deserved it (6097)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

#20550170
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31623) - you deserved it (15948)

On 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by amberrenee91 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (2856)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

#20529319
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29996) - you deserved it (6160)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22218) - you deserved it (45464)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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