kalixzo

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kalixzo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 23 September 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7989
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About kalixzo : Interpol.
Paul Banks.
Daniel Kessler.
Sam Fogarino.
Carlos D.

Left 4 Dead.
Zombies.

kalixzo's page activity

Visits<b>saxophonePLAYER</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 3:54am<b>MrConfusion</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 8:05pm<b>Jkalia</b> - the 04/08/2016 at 3:18am<b>mancuneanway</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 4:24pm<b>tin_cup</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 10:22pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 8:01pm<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 3:10pm<b>Alm1ghty_Push</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 7:14pm<b>Airshock22</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 2:59pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 6:36am<b>blakeyboy22</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 6:06pm<b>MxAxRxCxO</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 12:25pm<b>Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 5:32pm<b>Chazticr</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 8:58pm<b>stargazer091</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 1:06pm<b>hoeslikedicks</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 1:47am<b>Agnesia</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 8:28am<b>Timmster007</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 2:20am

kalixzo's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of kalixzo's badges

kalixzo's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML

by fuck family / 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm / Poland (Dolnoslaskie) / Love

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

by ohgodwhy / 04/06/2013 at 10:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

by slightlyworried / 04/05/2013 at 1:28am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Transportation

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

by Why son, why? / 03/20/2013 at 7:07am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

by amberrenee91 / 03/18/2013 at 11:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

by nerdgirlmickey / 03/03/2013 at 11:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals