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The Thumb strikes back
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24792) - you deserved it (2558)
On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States
Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15478) - you deserved it (2157)
On 05/07/2012 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26647) - you deserved it (7187)
On 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by dentistrygirl - United States
Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3078) - you deserved it (60696)
On 05/02/2012 at 8:43pm - misc - by grovage - United States
Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8409) - you deserved it (12405)
On 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18367) - you deserved it (8858)
On 03/21/2012 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by tellingthetruth (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15172) - you deserved it (8051)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20017) - you deserved it (914)
On 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10634) - you deserved it (36362)
On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24017) - you deserved it (3321)
On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27993) - you deserved it (4973)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24667) - you deserved it (2362)
On 12/12/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by lucas - United States (Alaska)
Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18240) - you deserved it (1674)
On 12/08/2011 at 9:48am - misc - by skidmark (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9794) - you deserved it (43246)
On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25808) - you deserved it (2204)
On 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by lprocter1982 - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 17 June 2013
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