This member hasn't filled in their description.
kaabiiz14's FML badges
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
kaabiiz14's favorite FMLs
Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML
by dammit / 09/12/2015 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by BrandonDrapeau / 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by cockblockedbyFB / 06/06/2015 at 9:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by YuckyDuckyLucky / 06/03/2015 at 1:36pm / Norway (Oslo) / Health
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by pissed / 05/10/2015 at 10:34am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML
by screwedupfuck / 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML
by Mommycakes / 03/03/2015 at 8:14am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
by nosexforthee / 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2015 at 6:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by BDSM4Jesus / 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML
by ashamed / 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML
by Gassy and sassy / 12/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
- Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put… Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm… Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML