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50 favourites
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Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38507) - you deserved it (2230)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)
Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29267) - you deserved it (4178)
On 11/30/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25358) - you deserved it (8902)
On 11/29/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my friend called me freaking out because of an online pregnancy test. She was scared because she had no idea that she was pregnant, let alone having a fifteen pound baby. The website is a joke. She goes to an Ivy League school, and I couldn't even get into community college. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26974) - you deserved it (2735)
On 11/23/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (4621)
On 11/23/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by OnlyIfYouLoveMe (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9609) - you deserved it (4201)
On 11/22/2009 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by NotsexyEnough - United States (Ohio)
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18246) - you deserved it (10123)
On 11/21/2009 at 6:02pm - animals - by eyesightfail (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28850) - you deserved it (2897)
On 11/17/2009 at 6:16am - work - by Paramedic (man) - United Kingdom (Rochdale)
Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31516) - you deserved it (509)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:12pm - love - by TLT (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24041) - you deserved it (2656)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5299) - you deserved it (26746)
On 11/11/2009 at 8:54pm - work - by julie (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I met a close friend of my husband for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20479) - you deserved it (1581)
On 10/30/2009 at 5:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, at work we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10053) - you deserved it (42212)
On 10/28/2009 at 6:29pm - work - by R (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, my son's hamster died. It was overweight and got stuck in its plastic tube. My 6 year old son came downstairs to me smashing a plastic tube with a dead hamster in it on the kitchen table. He thinks I killed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25174) - you deserved it (3411)
On 10/27/2009 at 3:35pm - animals - by freylero - United Kingdom (Greater London)
Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25982) - you deserved it (2396)
On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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