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Judgmental
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Mobility
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58306) - you deserved it (3656)
On 04/11/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by thisblows (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (215160) - you deserved it (26923)
On 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31484) - you deserved it (71973)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66147) - you deserved it (179618)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (127869)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51128) - you deserved it (6592)
On 04/05/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by lifestinks - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21585) - you deserved it (48827)
On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13236) - you deserved it (49361)
On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - work - by ex-employee (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21074) - you deserved it (76198)
On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25404) - you deserved it (60334)
On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27130) - you deserved it (66327)
On 03/28/2009 at 6:13pm - love - by WeezysBaby (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79646) - you deserved it (6893)
On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25882) - you deserved it (60411)
On 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Jim (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72182) - you deserved it (13919)
On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML
I agree, your life sucks (81016) - you deserved it (4489)
On 03/27/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by tehhotness (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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