About jv1991 : :)
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You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.
You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
jv1991's favorite FMLs
Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML
by Owned / 03/25/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
by Truan / 03/25/2009 at 5:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
by birthdayfun / 03/23/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
by maxthndr / 02/10/2009 at 12:36am / United States / Work
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Noname / 01/24/2009 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to my new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my… Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We… Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at,…