About jv1991 : :)
Tweet, tweet
You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.
Seen it!
You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59733) - you deserved it (2740)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31846) - you deserved it (13093)
On 06/29/2009 at 6:59pm - misc - by peace_lost (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38465) - you deserved it (10331)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by embarrassed4life (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58504) - you deserved it (8836)
On 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by toomuchmetal (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35961) - you deserved it (8306)
On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177738) - you deserved it (25397)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I moved out of my apartment and thought it would be nice to leave the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next tenant. I later got a notice from the management that I was being charged $50 for leaving behind "personal items." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48345) - you deserved it (5436)
On 05/29/2009 at 9:59am - money - by alynn (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27998) - you deserved it (39604)
On 05/28/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by thats_not_good (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45493) - you deserved it (7571)
On 05/11/2009 at 8:38am - animals - by prevostsrocklike - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (153771) - you deserved it (8633)
On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
I agree, your life sucks (94829) - you deserved it (4894)
On 04/18/2009 at 3:20am - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46776) - you deserved it (127876)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (62958)
On 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by ShamedJP (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got in my car. When I sat down, I realized a cat had got in the back seat. The cat startled me so I jumped out and slammed the door. Locking myself out. I watched the cat scratch my seats up for an hour. I'm highly allergic to cats. I can't get in my own car without breaking out in hives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57584) - you deserved it (5287)
On 04/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
