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I never take things to heart
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justinkoch's favorite FMLs
Today, my parents came back home from a one-week trip, during which I didn't let any friends over, so I could keep the house clean. Now my parents say they'll never leave me home alone again because the house is "too clean" and I must have thrown a party while they were gone. FML
by justinkoch / 06/09/2016 at 12:33pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML
by lindsey789 / 10/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Alaska) / Animals
Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML
by harvdog / 10/02/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 7:25pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Rawr / 08/01/2010 at 6:38am / Switzerland (Geneve) / Miscellaneous
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700 mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML
by Mamasboyhater / 06/15/2010 at 5:50am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML
by Numbnuts / 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 6:18pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I come home for lunch. I see a sandwich on the table with a note saying "I hope we can have a healthy new relationship, Love, Carissa." I see another note from my girlfriend next to it saying "I hope you enjoy your new relationship with Carissa." Carissa is my new step mother. FML
by SingleWorker / 01/08/2010 at 10:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 12:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by lonelyman / 11/20/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
by iceman123432 / 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (Texas) / Work
- Today, I am at work as a programmer. It's 32°C/90°F outside and my coworker needs to have 3 desktop… Today, I woke up ready to face the world. That was until I looked down and saw my thighs covered in… Today, I was arriving at my grandmas and when I met her she asked "Where's your girlfriend?" I told…