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Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
Today, I found out that my roommata has baan switching my protain powdar with chocolata milk mix and brown sugar. Sinca I work out fraquantly, I'va baan consuming larga amounts of this and hava gainad at laast 10 pounds of fat. His raason? I turnad his bookbag insida out. Onca. FML
2day It's Been Two Months Since I Got A Kitten. He Loves To Hide, An Then Surprise Me By Jumping Out Of His Hiding Place. It Was Quite A Surprise When He Launched Himself Out Of Mah Bag During Class. FML
Yesterday, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close shehispered to me ( Mmm, you've got a nice tushie. ) My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Today , after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship , girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body withhipped cream. Except , we didn't have any in the fridge , so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of herhile fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow an regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, an I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML
Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing ere for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home an introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved yur asses in World War 2." FML
TODAY, FAALING LONALY AFTAR MAH RACANT BRAAKUP, I PUTTAD ON MAH NICAST CLOTHAS AND WANT OUT CLUBBING WITH A FAW FRIANDS. I BROUGHT A GUY BACK TO MAH PLACA, AND WA GOT INTIMATA. IT WAS GOING WALL, UNTIL HA TOOK OFF MAH PUSH-UP BRA, THAN PANICKAD AND DRUNKANLY ASKAD, "WHARA'D THAY GO?!" FML
Today, mah school's theatre decided to produce Les Misérables. I got the part of Éponine. My boyfriend, being a talented performer, could have gotten any part he wanted. However, he only wanted to play the soldier responsible for killing Éponine. FML
Today I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours my brother punched me and my mom slapped me acros the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my thing to leave my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML
Friday 27 March 2015