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julian24245

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julian24245
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1691
  • Number of comments : 100
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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julian24245's favorite FMLs

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

#17359587
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37100) - you deserved it (3595)

On 08/03/2011 at 9:19pm - animals - by roze198765 - United States

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

#17342308
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20810) - you deserved it (64575)

On 08/02/2011 at 10:17am - health - by chinchilla4404 (woman) - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (10875)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML

#17333987
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33146) - you deserved it (2403)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Savannah - United States (Alaska)

Today, my mother insisted I thoroughly water all the plants in and around my house before some people turned up. This would be fine except 90% of them are fake. She is convinced it will make them look "realer." FML

#16984836
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24508) - you deserved it (2413)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by omfgfmlife - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to sing a sweet lullaby to my two year old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

#16956898
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23974) - you deserved it (4442)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:36am - kids - by dee - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

#16956758
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33040) - you deserved it (3442)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:25am - animals - by jreed509 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

#16895004
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (3534)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:35am - animals - by hadtocleanthemess (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

#16746008
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31599) - you deserved it (6536)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:03pm - kids - by screwedwoman27 - United States

Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML

#16745803
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24559) - you deserved it (2698)

On 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm - misc - by sabadaba - United States (Arizona)

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

#16694392
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30021) - you deserved it (5353)

On 06/16/2011 at 12:03pm - misc - by Scholar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

#16548173
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35077) - you deserved it (9903)

On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

#16494046
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41978) - you deserved it (3131)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:15am - work - by zain - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

#16474078
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40120) - you deserved it (2868)

On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

#16468049
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50724) - you deserved it (4615)

On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)



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