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jrp

Offline (the 09/07/2014 at 6:28pm) | Search for a member

jrp

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 450
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jrp's page activity

Visits<b>McNikk</b> - the 05/23/2013 at 9:44pm<b>sonnyrosa</b> - the 02/09/2013 at 10:43am

jrp's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

jrp's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

#21207511
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41620) - you deserved it (13585)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

#20684142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67153) - you deserved it (5631)

On 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52460) - you deserved it (11866)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79755) - you deserved it (8242)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25264) - you deserved it (43096)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by think i'm dating perdix (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40784) - you deserved it (4255)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (36412)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31848) - you deserved it (8106)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29669) - you deserved it (4515)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

#20123366
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7849) - you deserved it (21765)

On 10/19/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by ktreens (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26879) - you deserved it (3323)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16106) - you deserved it (60901)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16389) - you deserved it (34077)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23547) - you deserved it (3420)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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