jooginowitz

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jooginowitz

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Saturday 10 December 1983 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 513
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jooginowitz : Hi.

jooginowitz's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/12/2013 at 6:50pm<b>EmberFury</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 9:14am

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jooginowitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

by Ear Invasion / 01/26/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New Mexico) / Animals

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

by troll of a gran / 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

by embaressed / 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

by ellinor / 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm / Sweden (Jonkopings Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 11:01am / Work

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awkwardly had to comfort my 32 year old friend when he broke down crying in the middle of a crowded McDonald's. Apparently they no longer serve barbecue bacon cheeseburgers. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 3:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

by confused / 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

by Sicko / 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm / Intimacy

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

by Ashlee / 02/15/2010 at 10:21am / United States / Love