jonnystitt

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jonnystitt

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 894
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About jonnystitt : I'd post a ''Today, I was a Marsh Weir, when a tree decided to hit me in the face, washing me into a strainer of which I had to handroll out of'' FML, but nobody would understand it :(

This world needs more kayakers :D

jonnystitt's page activity

Visits<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:35pm<b>MacItUp</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 12:58pm<b>tagallopes</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 8:04am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:29pm<b>Hommus</b> - the 10/04/2010 at 12:22pm<b>Emilyroxx</b> - the 04/12/2010 at 10:27am<b>scott_m319</b> - the 04/08/2010 at 10:26am

jonnystitt's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jonnystitt's favorite FMLs

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2010 at 10:14pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

by Brittanyy_leigh / 12/17/2009 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I was following my dad while texting, not really watching where we're going. Suddenly, he ran ahead and I looked up to see what he was doing. We were in the men's bathroom. There were 3 guys at the urinals. I'm a 15 year old girl. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

by fedexed / 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

by emperor / 07/21/2009 at 1:38am / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Miscellaneous

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

by campmom / 07/08/2009 at 1:02am / Kids

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

by litup / 07/04/2009 at 6:48pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

by boinger / 06/03/2009 at 1:23am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

by jons / 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

by radiant / 01/22/2009 at 10:22am / United States (Michigan) / Health