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jonahdx's favorite FMLs
by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML
by horriblejoke / 10/10/2012 at 11:05am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML
by Sam / 06/24/2011 at 12:46am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/18/2011 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Health
by Bobby M / 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Health
by Username / 01/03/2011 at 6:40am / Intimacy
Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Florida) / Geek
Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML
by serendipity1027 / 10/30/2010 at 9:40am / Love
by Username / 10/04/2010 at 1:48am / Kids
Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/01/2010 at 7:04pm / United States (Florida) / Kids