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jonahdx

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jonahdx

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 361
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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jonahdx's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21058) - you deserved it (1637)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML

#20110360
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32615) - you deserved it (4793)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:05am - misc - by horriblejoke (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

#16827191
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35329) - you deserved it (4487)

On 06/24/2011 at 12:46am - work - by Sam (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

#16234308
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26312) - you deserved it (8488)

On 05/18/2011 at 3:26am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

#16205540
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61998) - you deserved it (9682)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm - health - by Bobby M - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

#14449491
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48609) - you deserved it (9821)

On 01/03/2011 at 6:40am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, my daughter and husband decided to surprise me at work. A whole bunch of my co-workers were standing around me when she ran up and hugged me. Her face is level with my crotch. She immediately jumps back from the hug and says "ewwww smells like fish." FML

#14112923
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39302) - you deserved it (15321)

On 12/06/2010 at 9:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

#13949092
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41211) - you deserved it (5429)

On 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, b*tch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

#13827261
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11791) - you deserved it (49893)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

#13648057
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (8106)

On 10/30/2010 at 9:40am - love - by serendipity1027 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my four year old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

#13312784
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30759) - you deserved it (4847)

On 10/04/2010 at 1:48am - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10565) - you deserved it (33899)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38111) - you deserved it (9645)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

#12858268
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29046) - you deserved it (3942)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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