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jon06

Offline (the 02/09/2016 at 5:43pm) | Search for a member

jon06

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 717
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jon06's page activity

Visits<b>chashem</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 4:08pm<b>yoursucklives</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 2:28am<b>m1e0l</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 1:56pm

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50 favourites

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jon06's favorite FMLs

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

#21522558
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22137) - you deserved it (2072)

On 02/03/2016 at 9:04pm - kids - by Spooderman (woman) - United States

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

#21521366
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20383) - you deserved it (2193)

On 01/31/2016 at 3:13am - work - by onlyjuggalos (man) - United States

Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML

#21470740
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27417) - you deserved it (2282)

On 09/20/2015 at 7:59pm - intimacy - by M - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

#21467423
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16242) - you deserved it (20787)

On 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by busmonster - United States (Virginia)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32766) - you deserved it (4829)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25015) - you deserved it (35360)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34468) - you deserved it (4076)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got married. My grandpa took me aside afterwards and said that the moment the ceremony was over, he heard my wife's vagina slam shut. "Welcome to marriage, sucker," he chuckled, "It's just you and Rosy Palm now!" FML

#21347104
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29701) - you deserved it (3101)

On 01/31/2015 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

#21330209
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (5726)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:30pm - health - by Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35096) - you deserved it (5871)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38398) - you deserved it (12010)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

#21279069
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31898) - you deserved it (2940)

On 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm - health - by roidrager (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38569) - you deserved it (4217)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)



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