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jokerzthe

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jokerzthe

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  • Number of visits : 1273
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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jokerzthe's page activity

Visits<b>tepovre</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 11:14pm

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jokerzthe's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27865) - you deserved it (10517)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

#19320311
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9994) - you deserved it (61493)

On 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by brooke (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

#19277499
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8913) - you deserved it (53397)

On 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

#19270252
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30124) - you deserved it (7445)

On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

#19269452
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37346) - you deserved it (2041)

On 03/13/2012 at 2:12am - misc - by Rynne S. - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

#19231360
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25939) - you deserved it (6116)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Sharibabi65 (woman) - United States

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

#19208526
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12286) - you deserved it (27384)

On 03/03/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Buttscratcher (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

#19139101
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11749) - you deserved it (37358)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

#19118368
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15092) - you deserved it (52591)

On 02/19/2012 at 10:00pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

#19099160
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25681) - you deserved it (6899)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

Today, I received a parking fine for $147. My car isn't even worth that much. FML

#19045980
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22106) - you deserved it (6914)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:03am - money - by jam - Australia

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

#19042299
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8768) - you deserved it (66207)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

#19007190
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28692) - you deserved it (2037)

On 02/06/2012 at 12:35am - love - by hudd357mag (man) - United States

Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML

#19006098
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28649) - you deserved it (2892)

On 02/05/2012 at 11:09pm - misc - by dadadoo - United States (New York)



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