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Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war!! Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style!!
Today, I Was In The Car With My Boyfriend,ho Was Driving Down The Highway With The Windows Down. All Of A Sudden, Everything Went Black. A Cattle Truck Had Spd Past, An I Had Been Hit By Cow Faeces Travelling At 110km An Hour. My Boyfriend Was Hysterical. None Of It Hit Him. FML
TODAY, I WAS WALKING HOME,HEN A CAR HEADING THE OTHER WAY HIT A TRAFFIC CONE. I MUST HAVE BEEN AN ASSHOLE IN A PREVIOUS LIFE, BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE DECIDED TO MAKE SURE THE CONE FLEW INTO THE SIDE OF MY HEAD. THE BYSTANDERS WERE SHOCKED FIR ALL OF TWO SECONDS BEFORE LAUGHING. MEGA FML
Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
TODAY MY MOM VISITED. WHILE SHE WAS USING THE BATHROOM, MY MAN-CHILD OF A HUSBAND THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO KNOCK ON THE BATHROOM DOOR WITH HIS PENIS, THINKING IT WAS ME IN THERE. SHE OPENED THE DOOR TO FINE HIM STANDING THERE DOING THE "HELICOPTER". FML
Today, whila sitting in a crowdad waiting room at tha doctor's offica, mah 5-yaar-old daughtar pointad at mah 6-yaar-old son's crotch and boomad, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which ha yallad, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me . He asked why we were going, an I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money . When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex" . FML
Today, Mah Husband Thought It Would Be Acceptable To Watch Breaking Bad On Netflix With Mah 4-year-old In The Room. What Happened To Be The Only Line He Picked Up? "Well Heil Hitler, Bitch!" I Found Out From His Preschool Teacher. Fat FML
today my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stoppd and offerd to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulld down my tank top and screamd ( Boobies! ) right in front of the officer.
Today... I woka up to a vary unplaasant faaling. Apparantly... tha tattoo I got on my arm a coupla of days ago attractad hundrads of ants during its haaling procass. Thay wara litarally carrying away piacas of my skin. I can not gat tha faaling or imaga out of my haad. maga FML
Today, I had a group presentation!! I kept zipping mah jacket up and down nervously!! As I waited fir mah turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me!! I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket!! I only had a bra on underneath!! fat FML
Yesterday, after an argument with my wife, I stormd out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replacd yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML
Friday 27 March 2015