jng131

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jng131

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 18004
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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jng131's page activity

Visits<b>KRD5</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 12:29pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:55am<b>jadeyncross</b> - the 08/11/2010 at 3:25pm<b>bert01024</b> - the 04/23/2009 at 12:24am<b>username666</b> - the 04/22/2009 at 7:25pm<b>babymama1029</b> - the 04/21/2009 at 9:09pm

Fucked!<b>KRD5</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 6:29pm

jng131's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jng131's favorite FMLs

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2009 at 1:16am / Canada / Love

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 12:46pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

by oops / 05/18/2009 at 4:45am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 2:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

by barbie / 05/18/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

by embarrassedmom / 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2009 at 9:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

by not4geeks / 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

by RunningMurphy / 05/15/2009 at 3:20am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I went to the midnight premiere of Angels and Demons. A hobo wandered into the theater and sat down behind me. I paid $10 to spend two and a half hours listening to a crazy man talk to himself and kick my chair while he loudly masturbated. FML

by Langdon / 05/15/2009 at 3:08am / United States / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

by MC / 05/14/2009 at 10:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

by chelserusera / 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

by NoComparison / 05/13/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous