jmz_199

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jmz_199

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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 3799
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jmz_199's page activity

Visits<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 9:52am<b>badmandilon</b> - the 09/29/2013 at 11:26pm<b>ChrisKT92</b> - the 09/17/2013 at 4:11am<b>Dre27</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 3:36am<b>olpally</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 9:06pm<b>Faith13</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 3:30am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 8:07pm<b>Garagedwella</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 3:40pm<b>usernameunkn0wn</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 3:14pm<b>IHaveNoKoolAid</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 6:45pm<b>Bella1979</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 8:37am<b>MrClean17</b> - the 05/15/2013 at 3:01am<b>xlord</b> - the 04/27/2013 at 8:50pm<b>Tim2415</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 7:50am

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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jmz_199's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

by zoe777 / 11/08/2013 at 9:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

by :/ / 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

by WinkleBottom / 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2013 at 6:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2013 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

by KittyKat / 11/03/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

by katchoo / 11/03/2013 at 2:34am / Denmark / Animals

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

by nl4 / 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

by choke on a dick, sir / 11/01/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (Maine) / Work