jmu2011

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jmu2011

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  • Number of visits : 1698
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

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jmu2011's page activity

Visits<b>brcarter</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 12:54am<b>pam241</b> - the 05/04/2013 at 7:41am

jmu2011's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Up and coming moderator

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Beginner

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jmu2011's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

by Socklessandsmelly / 05/26/2009 at 2:10am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2009 at 10:14am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

by baddormgirl / 02/19/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

by Shamu / 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

by ally / 02/03/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

by sadass / 01/23/2009 at 7:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love