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jmu2011

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jmu2011

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  • Number of visits : 1003
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

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jmu2011's page activity

Visits<b>brcarter</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 12:54am<b>pam241</b> - the 05/04/2013 at 7:41am

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jmu2011's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

#19386625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6100) - you deserved it (24667)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by oooooopss - United States (Oregon)

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

#19344343
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8831) - you deserved it (32731)

On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

#19337633
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12718) - you deserved it (32519)

On 03/24/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by SG - United States

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

#19284993
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27329) - you deserved it (4911)

On 03/15/2012 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by 0stvn0 (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

#19173596
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22830) - you deserved it (3272)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

#19169657
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29550) - you deserved it (3985)

On 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by . - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10052) - you deserved it (54428)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML

#19099160
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (6860)

On 02/17/2012 at 8:25am - misc - by BOOP - United States (Montana)

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

#18966482
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32986) - you deserved it (5671)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by stainseverywhere (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

#18703291
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31676) - you deserved it (27381)

On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

#18692571
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32649) - you deserved it (2206)

On 01/03/2012 at 12:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

#18417408
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33234) - you deserved it (5399)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:04am - intimacy - by trembelwick - Canada (Ontario)

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

#18343392
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31642) - you deserved it (3983)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:13am - misc - by Jessie - United States

Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML

#18324369
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29118) - you deserved it (4540)

On 11/23/2011 at 4:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

#18130985
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42412) - you deserved it (4129)

On 11/01/2011 at 5:50pm - health - by stitchesupmyass (woman) - United States (Washington)



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