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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML
Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML
Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML
Today, I went on my very first date. We went out to eat dinner and everything went great! Afterwards, I went to drop him back off at his house. I backed out of his driveway and got stuck in a ditch. His dad had to come out and tow me out. So that's how I met my boyfriend's parents. FML
Today, a customer called the Chinese restaurant where I work and complained about her takeout order not including donuts. After informing her that we don't have them, she started to curse at me while citing the website as proof. She thought wontons were synonymous with donuts. FML
Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML
Today, cops showed up at my house looking for an ex neighbor. It would be all cool if before knocking they didn't politely wait in front of my window listening me and my boyfriend having sex for half an hour. FML
Today, a guy hit on me. It's such a rare occurrence that I didn't know how to react, so I panicked and said "Sorry, I have to go!" Then I remembered we were on a bus, and just turned around and awkwardly pretended he wasn't there. FML
Friday 3 July 2015