About jiequals3 : “Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!”
-- Theodore Roosevelt
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (77849) - you deserved it (3980)
On 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm - love - by Joey (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24390) - you deserved it (103008)
On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38215) - you deserved it (24196)
On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (197554) - you deserved it (38465)
On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - animals - by Rhyno - United States (New York)
Today, I was riding my bike with my parents. They make me wear a helmet when I'm with them. Some college age kids drove past and yelled, "Nice helmet!" My mother then told me, "They like you!" I'm sixteen and my helmet is blue. With flowers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43256) - you deserved it (6428)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by dinosawerr (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14201) - you deserved it (46379)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21419) - you deserved it (54859)
On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9754) - you deserved it (52390)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by KMilly (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78770) - you deserved it (10342)
On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49027) - you deserved it (2224)
On 05/01/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by DudeManBro69 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (49729)
On 04/30/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by obeezy (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10953) - you deserved it (73410)
On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11900) - you deserved it (57005)
On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45721) - you deserved it (9247)
On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88924) - you deserved it (14370)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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