About jiequals3 : “Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!”
-- Theodore Roosevelt
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12884) - you deserved it (70747)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15749) - you deserved it (56272)
On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7125) - you deserved it (47025)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55453) - you deserved it (5021)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66129) - you deserved it (179556)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59765) - you deserved it (15454)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:34pm - kids - by ugly (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (80039) - you deserved it (21096)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52345) - you deserved it (6747)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by saltynutz20 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48648) - you deserved it (7074)
On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199432) - you deserved it (58850)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21716) - you deserved it (42949)
On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50312) - you deserved it (8268)
On 04/01/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by Nutless (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177992) - you deserved it (61465)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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