jezabelfae

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jezabelfae

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 166
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jezabelfae's favorite FMLs

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML

by That Girl with the Amazon Parrot / 01/04/2014 at 2:21am / United States / Animals

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

by take a fucking seat, gran / 12/14/2013 at 5:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

by igotpride / 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

by thatisfuckedup / 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

by BrokeAsHell / 05/30/2013 at 4:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

by you're shitting me / 05/27/2013 at 1:05am / Australia / Health

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm / Romania (Buzau) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

by look at the fucking universe, lady / 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Geek

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

by Sarsippius / 05/18/2013 at 1:22am / Love