jessssxo

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jessssxo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 19 July 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14359
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About jessssxo : I'm Jessica.

jessssxo's page activity

Visits<b>maalmawr</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 10:35pm<b>ThatGingerKid56</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 9:43am<b>racerboy102</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 12:15am<b>mutiplyyou</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 12:56pm<b>Wubzo</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 6:37pm<b>streetdog</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 5:04pm<b>tropicolo</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 8:47am<b>OwlsMakeBowels</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 1:16am<b>anonymous_guy32</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 5:41pm<b>WellThatWasRude</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 8:42pm<b>freeport_aidan</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 10:59am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 12:42am<b>jake131000</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:54pm<b>Azpy</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 5:00pm<b>DarkLevi</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 12:29am<b>PedoHero69</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 1:55am<b>Diachronic</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 5:05am<b>El_Boxeador</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 11:38pm

jessssxo's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jessssxo's favorite FMLs

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

by MrAwsum / 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

by GrLifeusx / 03/07/2009 at 11:03pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

by shit_upon_literally / 03/07/2009 at 12:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML

by beachbum / 02/27/2009 at 1:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML

by Kasizzle / 02/26/2009 at 9:13am / United States (Colorado) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

by Sheezey / 02/24/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

by iliketurtles / 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

by girlmeetsworld / 02/18/2009 at 6:27pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

by jessica / 02/17/2009 at 6:56pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

by Ugh / 02/16/2009 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML

by Noname / 02/15/2009 at 7:33pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML

by Noname / 02/15/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love