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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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jessssxo

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jessssxo
  • Town/Country : New York, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 July 1995 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 12672
  • Number of comments : 37
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About jessssxo : I'm Jessica.

jessssxo's last visitors

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jessssxo's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

#2341558 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (39854) - you deserved it (4810)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm - kids - by boo (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

#2339155 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (40930) - you deserved it (1793)

On 05/27/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by Brook363 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

#2044978 (63)

I agree, your life sucks (7033) - you deserved it (35465)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (71618) - you deserved it (13644)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (97749)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (9104) - you deserved it (69675)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (47575) - you deserved it (16514)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

#1579657 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (48380) - you deserved it (2587)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

#1551610 (232)

I agree, your life sucks (74448) - you deserved it (6213)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

#1547759 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (56407) - you deserved it (6649)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

#1509670 (259)

I agree, your life sucks (51017) - you deserved it (7719)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm - kids - by mylove (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (16120) - you deserved it (43637)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

#1413224 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (46120) - you deserved it (3706)

On 04/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

#1378571 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (56054) - you deserved it (2486)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

#1292437 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (36627) - you deserved it (14533)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)