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jesspie

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jesspie
  • Town/Country : UK
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 137
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jesspie's favorite FMLs

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

#20514612
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (3129)

On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

#20511803
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22373) - you deserved it (1744)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:24am - intimacy - by buxton1 - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28860) - you deserved it (6268)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22670) - you deserved it (4253)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

#20499722
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24986) - you deserved it (2964)

On 02/09/2013 at 3:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29602) - you deserved it (2051)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9061) - you deserved it (29020)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (2076)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26180) - you deserved it (8142)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

#20436981
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18172) - you deserved it (7150)

On 01/01/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by christmaswillneverend - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19909) - you deserved it (8950)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13579) - you deserved it (2416)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (4581)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

#20105538
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13937) - you deserved it (3035)

On 10/07/2012 at 10:20am - love - by justabitembarrassed - United States (Ohio)

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

#20091837
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18507) - you deserved it (2701)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



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