jessicaislameee

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jessicaislameee

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7477
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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jessicaislameee's page activity

Visits<b>KarSkittle</b> - the 07/11/2016 at 3:56pm<b>Fed21</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 3:41pm<b>HumpDog</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 11:58pm<b>aishah77</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 12:29pm<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 11:58am<b>pplthinkimbad</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 9:45pm<b>levodkamartini</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 10:46am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 12:19am<b>joefrazier</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 10:00pm<b>epiphone123</b> - the 08/10/2013 at 4:27pm<b>lingo171</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 5:54pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:54pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 2:44am<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/29/2009 at 11:30pm<b>Buck_nekid</b> - the 08/28/2009 at 4:39pm<b>doctordestiny</b> - the 08/27/2009 at 9:01pm<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 08/27/2009 at 3:14pm<b>depinaariana</b> - the 08/27/2009 at 12:07pm

jessicaislameee's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

jessicaislameee's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

by lizzzie / 10/09/2009 at 5:25pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Health

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

by CMANIA / 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

by Dude / 08/19/2009 at 6:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

by Butterflyguy / 08/14/2009 at 1:10pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Animals

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

by ohgod / 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

by Ouch / 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

by anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 12:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

by dundundadumb / 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

by jeeperspeepers / 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

by dumbo / 07/30/2009 at 10:43am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

by verysadasian / 07/30/2009 at 10:21am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2009 at 10:55am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

by partycats / 07/23/2009 at 12:40am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous