About jessherself13 : I'm studying to be a paramedic and eventually a firefighter. My favorite singer is Amanda Palmer and I like spicy foods.
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jessherself13's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
by DocBastard, meet DocCunt / 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 5:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
by roundtherose / 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML
by carla6991 / 10/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML
by thisguy / 10/08/2013 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love
by EconM / 10/03/2013 at 11:38am / United States / Intimacy
by Lilly / 10/02/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML
by PickedOnByDamien / 10/02/2013 at 4:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm / United States (California) / Work