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jesse91

Offline (the 04/14/2015 at 3:36am) | Search for a member

jesse91

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 9 July 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6710
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About jesse91 : I'm a gamer who is also interested in psychology, languages, movies, comics and history.

I'm a big fan of Dragon Age, Assassins Creed and Mass Effect, among many others.

Get out of my swamp you kids!

jesse91's page activity

Visits<b>rybaby23</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 10:44pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 1:34am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 1:52am<b>aa1717</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 9:24pm<b>PerSueTwo513</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 1:26am<b>hatemyluck</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 12:23am<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 06/19/2013 at 7:16pm<b>DaDezza244</b> - the 04/15/2013 at 6:29am<b>Tika876</b> - the 03/30/2013 at 12:34pm<b>thrAsHeRr9081</b> - the 03/07/2013 at 10:12pm<b>countrygirl3250</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 12:42am<b>aw3som3sauc3</b> - the 01/23/2013 at 3:08pm<b>miwako</b> - the 01/13/2013 at 10:36am<b>mentalkayse</b> - the 11/18/2012 at 8:31pm<b>Miss_Lisaa</b> - the 09/22/2012 at 6:17pm<b>munzapoppa</b> - the 09/13/2012 at 4:50pm<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 08/02/2012 at 4:39pm<b>nela25</b> - the 08/01/2012 at 6:28pm

jesse91's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of jesse91's badges

jesse91's favorite FMLs

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

#21081278
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37510) - you deserved it (3510)

On 03/08/2014 at 12:19pm - work - by kittykat033 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45046) - you deserved it (6452)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

#21080644
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (4705)

On 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by fuck off, eh! (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

#21080573
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45771) - you deserved it (24169)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25385) - you deserved it (55808)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51135) - you deserved it (10043)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58571) - you deserved it (9415)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49153) - you deserved it (10052)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

#21032373
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43869) - you deserved it (6367)

On 01/19/2014 at 12:17am - kids - by MommyProblems (woman) - United States

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

#21031747
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48731) - you deserved it (5780)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

#21031476
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26652) - you deserved it (53879)

On 01/18/2014 at 3:33am - money - by unicorn_skies - United States (California)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

#21031087
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50615) - you deserved it (6400)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58713) - you deserved it (5211)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)



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